Are you home from college for the holidays? Here are some challenges you might face and tips to deal with them confidently, for less stress and more good times with loved ones.

1. Parents treating you like a kid and not the independent adult that you are

Returning home for the holidays can reignite old family dynamics such as the parent-child relationship. This can look like your parents telling you what to do, asking about your time away, or expecting you to spend time with your relatives when they visit. They may also take over cooking and cleaning, or step in to take over tasks, which limits your independence. This can bring up a host of difficult emotions such as anger or frustration. 

How to deal: 

Tip 1: Understand where they’re coming from. This transition is just as a challenging for you as it is for your parents. They have been in parent-mode since you were born and adjusting to a change in roles will take time.

Tip 2: Set boundaries. Setting boundaries is a healthy way to protect your energy and respect yourself. Setting boundaries with your parents can feel scary at first especially if doing so feels like disrespect. However, you can set boundaries respectfully. Start by saying “no” to things while keeping your tone and language respectful. You can also limit what you share with your parents to what feels most comfortable. Let’s say you parents insist on doing things for you, to protect your autonomy and maintain respect, you can set a boundary by saying something like, “I appreciate the offer, but I don’t need help—I got this!”. 

Tip 3: Deal with your frustration to avoid arguments. If disagreements arise, notice your anger (like body sensations such as feeling hot, tightening of muscles; and your thinking such as increase of negative thoughts) and walk away. Spend time alone to calm down and then revisit the discussion once tensions are low. 

2. Reconnecting with your siblings after being away. 

Being away from your sibling/s can lead to a change in your relationship. You can experience distance, awkwardness, and/or disagreements, especially if keeping in touch was limited. 

How to deal: 

Tip 1: Acknowledge the vibe and break the ice. Offer to do something together you both enjoy doing, and check in with them with curiosity. 

Tip 2: If there’s tension, walk away and take a breather. Sometimes, space and time can help relieve tension and increase the chances of reconnecting.

3. Having to share space with your family again.

You were probably already sharing your space with roommates while you were away, but sharing spaces like the bathroom, kitchen or living room with your family again can be a little overwhelming. 

How to deal: 

Tip 1: Be patient. Remember, this is temporary. 

Tip 2: Communicate what you need respectfully.

4. Spending time with your family when you’re used to being on your own

At first it may seem strange that most of your time is occupied with family when you spent an entire semester on your own—this is normal. However, there are ways to maintain a balance. 

How to deal: 

Tip: Make time for yourself (alone) and dedicate time for your family. Quality time with your family can strengthen your relationships and it doesn’t have to be boring or tedious. Suggest an activity you all enjoy to do together and go for it. 

5. Missing your friends from college while you are away

It is normal to miss your friends while you’re back at home and that doesn’t mean that you don’t care about spending time with your family. Missing friends while you’re away means that you’ve developed new connections that also need your attention.

How to deal: 

Tip: Check in with friends, but keep a balance by staying present at home.

6. Taking care of your mental health while at home

It is important to take care of yourself even when you’re back at home, especially if being home can impact your emotional and mental health. 

Tip: Engage in activities that promote mental wellness: 

• journal (ex: journaling for cognitive distortions)
• get enough sleep
• eat well
• do a physical activity
• engage in hobbies
• talk to someone you trust
• continue regular therapy sessions if in treatment

Being home from college for the holidays can be wonderful as well as challenging. With these tips you’ll be able to take on these challenges more confidently and focus on what matters the most: resting and reconnecting with loved ones. 

If you are someone you know is struggling with being back home from college for the holidays, our therapists Shantal Placido, LCSW; Spencer McCauley, LCSW; and Teresa Giolitto, LMFT are here to support you. 

Please email us at spencerstherapypractice@gmail.com or click the green “Contact Us” button at the upper right hand corner of the page.

Author: Shantal Placido, LCSW