Feeling shy, self-conscious and anxious in social interactions is common, especially among teens and young adults. Knowing what to say and how to say it, or how you’re being perceived—whether positively or negatively—are all things everyone worries about. However, pervasive and intense shyness and anxiety around socializing can significantly impact a young person’s life. It is important to understand the differences between shyness and Social Anxiety Disorder in teens and young adults and when to seek support. 

Shyness and Socializing

Shyness is the temporary feeling of discomfort when interacting with others, particularly with new people and new social situations. It can look like being quiet during conversations, nervousness during introductions, and hesitating to participate in class discussions. Overtime, a person experiencing shyness can warm up to a situation and get more comfortable socializing. Shyness can even be a strength, as people who are shy are more likely to be good listeners and attuned to other’s emotions. However, extreme and pervasive feelings of shyness can develop into fear and avoidance of social situations, which can hinder a young person’s engagement in life.

Social Anxiety Disorder in Teens and Young Adults

Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) is characterized by a great fear of social situations. It involves excessive worrying about future interactions going wrong and not being able to control or prevent it. Fear can be limited to one particular situation, like public speaking for instance, or across many social situations. Overtime, teens and young adults with significant anxiety will try to cope by avoiding the social situations they fear. This can lead to isolation, loneliness, low self-esteem, and limited social skills, among other difficulties. 

What Social Anxiety Disorder Is Like

Physical Discomfort: physical discomfort such as arousal (increased heart rate, sweating, fidgeting, trembling), tension (tightness of muscles), and pain (headaches, stomach aches) when thinking about or during a social interaction are common in social anxiety. The arousal and tension can also interfere with sleep, concentration and appetite. 

Uncomfortable Emotions: Social Anxiety Disorder is often linked to mood changes. Teens and young adults report significant fear, worry, and stress when anticipating or faced with social situations.

Distressing Thoughts: teens and young adults with social anxiety experience distressing thoughts and rigid thinking patterns centered around fears of being negatively evaluated by others. They also experience more negative self-talk and limiting beliefs about themselves.

Avoidant Behaviors: one of the most common behavior patterns in Social Anxiety Disorder is avoidance.  This can look like avoiding socializing with peers, social events or family gatherings as well as the following:

• Avoidance around ordering in restaurants, making phone calls or asking a store clerk for help. 
• Asking others to help them speak up for themselves. 
• Not participating in class discussions, trying to get out of school presentations, sporting events, or stage performances.
• Refusing to go to school. 

As a result, avoidance makes it difficult for teens and young adults to make friends, maintain healthy friendships, and engage in life. 

When to Seek Support

Social anxiety or extreme shyness become an issue when it interferes with a teen or young adult’s everyday life and well-being. If shyness is accompanied by low self-esteem, mood changes, changes in appetite and sleep, isolation and/or poor school performance, these may be signs of distress and a need for support. Therapy can provide a safe space to understand these experiences as well as develop skills and strategies. When concerns arise, speak to a medical or mental health professional about your or your child’s mental health. 

How Therapy Helps With Social Anxiety Disorder

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), gradual exposure, mindfulness and relaxation are common treatments for Social Anxiety Disorder. 

CBT helps teens and young adults understand the relationship between their perceptions, emotions and behaviors. It often involves behavioral experiments to challenge perceptions influencing behaviors.

Gradual experimentation (also called exposure) helps a teen and young adult to build tolerance of social situations. A therapist works with the teen or young adult to identify anxiety-inducing situations and engage in experiments from the least to the most threatening.

Coping skills like relaxation strategies and mindfulness techniques help teens and young adults manage their physical symptoms more effectively.

Understanding the difference between shyness and Social Anxiety Disorder in teens and young adults can be a powerful first step toward healing. With the right support, teens and young adults can navigate social situations with less fear and more confidence.

If you or someone you know struggles with anxiety or finds social interactions challenging, our therapists Shantal Placido, LCSW; Spencer McCauley, LCSW; and Teresa Giolitto, LMFT are here to offer compassionate support to help build confidence in social settings. 

Please email us at spencerstherapypractice@gmail.com or click the green “Contact Us” button at the upper right hand corner of the page.

Author: Shantal Placido, LCSW