By: Shantal Placido, LCSW

Starting college can be both exciting and overwhelming. From moving into your dorm room, to finding your way around campus, and meeting your professors, it can be a lot to take in. And while you’re still getting settled, it may seem like everyone else is already making friends. You may be asking yourself, how will I make friends in college? The truth is, most freshmen feel this way! Fortunately, making friends doesn’t have to be difficult. Here are some tips to help you connect confidently.

To Make Friends in College You Need to Get in the Right Mindset

Doubt, worry and uncertainty are all normal emotions that come with starting college, but making friends is still possible even when you are feeling this way. All it takes is a shift in perspective:

Remember, everyone starting out is new, too. That person you’re rooming with? New. Those classmates? Also new. Chances are they are also feeling the same way you are and they’re likely looking to make friends, too!  

Understand what your emotions mean. Worry, nervousness and fear can be helpful emotions to learn from. While they can be a warning to be careful, they are also an invitation to be curious. When you’re worrying about making friends, recognize this is a desire for connection. Finding ways to cope with anxiety and fear can help you take control of your emotions and make socializing a little easier.

It doesn’t have to be perfect. Don’t worry about making the best first impression, saying the “right” thing or what the outcome will be. The important thing is to start with small moments of interaction you can build on. Accept when something doesn’t work out and try again next time.

It takes time to make friends, therefore it’s important to be patient with the process. 

Your confidence grows through action. You don’t have to be confident to start meeting people. Setting small goals that you can achieve will build your confidence over time.

Where and How to Meet People on Campus

Let your interests guide you to community. Have you noticed that when something interests you, you could talk about it for hours? This is a great way to get talking to your peers. Clubs and volunteer groups are excellent spaces to meet people who share your interests. Campus jobs are also a good way to meet new people while making money and developing skills. 

Start small. Ever heard of the analogy that you can’t eat a whole cake in one bite? What this means is that goals that seem too big, can be achieved when we start small. Making friends can be a big goal, but it can certainly be achieved by starting small, like saying yes to small events (like a club fair, sporting events, or a workshop) and starting with simple conversation. Consider goal-setting techniques to help you break down your goal of making friends into achievable steps.

Start Conversation in Everyday Place. Dining hall lines, classes, study lounges, common rooms or even the gym are good places to start conversations with other students. It’s as simple as introducing yourself to a classmate sitting next to you in class, or asking someone a question in the library. 

Be Yourself and Lead With Curiosity for Real Connection

You may have heard that it’s important to be yourself, but what does that mean, exactly? Well, it means to act naturally as you are, following your instincts and showcasing your personality. It also means being honest. When people can see who you are and where you’re at then you’re more likely to attract people who get you and build authentic connections.

And don’t worry if it feels like some connections aren’t the right fit; take your time finding your people. That means meeting and engaging with people who have similar values and/or interests as you do. Often times connecting with one person can lead you to meet and connect with other people in school.

Remember, lead with curiosity. Ask questions, listen to learn and understand, and share things about yourself with the other person. 

Lastly, be kind to yourself. Real friendships grow from self-compassion and patience. 

If you or someone you know is finding the transition to college challenging or feel anxious about making friends, our therapists Shantal Placido, LCSW; Spencer McCauley, LCSW; and Teresa Giolitto, LMFT are here to help you navigate this new chapter with confidence and support. 

Please email us at spencerstherapypractice@gmail.com or click the green “Contact Us” button at the upper right hand corner of the page.

Author: Shantal Placido, LCSW